they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
