4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
