I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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