the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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