Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
