i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
