I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
