Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
