btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
