a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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