Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
