I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
