Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So here I am, sexting at work.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
