he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
