Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
FUCK WHALES
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
