I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
