he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
