he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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