i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
