woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
