Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
