I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
