If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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