This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
