u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I supernannyed him into submission
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
