I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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