Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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