the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
