It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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