My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
