She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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