I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
