i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
