I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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