The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
