i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
