She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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