the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
