You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
