I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
