i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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