Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
