she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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