aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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