then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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