$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
