I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
