You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
