and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
