smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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