Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
