I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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