oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
